


Wait

by StrokeofStupidity



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Maroon 5 Song, M/M, Post-Break Up, basically this song wouldn't leave me alone, original title is very original, other characters are mentioned but not featured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 14:19:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14058813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrokeofStupidity/pseuds/StrokeofStupidity
Summary: Wait, can you turn around? Can you turn around?Just wait, can we work this out? Can we work this out?Just wait, can you come here please?'Cause I want to be with you.





	Wait

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the Maroon 5 song: "Wait". I heard it on the radio a few weeks ago, I thought to myself that it had a nice beat, and then it invaded my brain and wouldn't leave. Around the 20th listen, I realized that something about it made me think of our two favorite bad guys. Something about this song made me think of Kylo Ren and Hux. Thus, this fic was born!
> 
> Unbeta'd so please excuse any mistakes. I hope you guys like it and if you get the song stuck in your head, sorry not sorry!
> 
> Link to the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnCa71iUVxA)

He knows he shouldn’t be here. His family had made that much clear a while ago. Apparently having an awful fight with your boyfriend in which you call each other horrible names and throw things and scream that you’re through doesn’t endear you to said boyfriend’s family. Ex-boyfriend actually.

Look, Hux knows he messed up. He’s not an idiot, despite what Kylo screamed at him. He knew he was ignoring Kylo’s needs, closing in on himself, becoming distant and therefore, cruel. It was his way. It was what he did, what he was taught. You don’t show weakness. Love is a weakness. It made you do stupid things like sleep with a cook and agree to take the bastard boy when she died. So Hux didn’t love people. Well, until Kylo.

Kylo was unlike anything or anyone that Hux had known. Where Hux was collected and precise, he was loud and manic. Kylo bled feelings and infected everything around him. He had a horrible poker face and was terrible at making decisions. Even where to go to dinner left him waffling back and forth. He hated looking vulnerable or needy and yet he would cling and cuddle around you like an octopus. He didn’t like orders or help when doing something, prefering to figure things out on his own even if he spectacularly messed them up. But the minute you offered the slightest bit of praise, he melted like a Dali clock.

Kylo was undeniably the most frustrating person Hux had ever met. He was also the most wonderful. That was scary. So he tried to end it. He spoke about not caring, about the truth of the relationship, about just sex and no feelings. He lied about everything. Even in the face of Kylo’s shock and confusion and anger and sadness and begging and fighting and crying, he lied. Kylo walked out the door and didn’t look back and when Hux was alone, he broke down.

And now he was here. At Kylo’s mother’s house, asking to see him. It had been a month. Hux was a wreck. He knew he looked terrible. He hadn’t done his hair since Kylo left, the strands dull and stringy after too few washes. His clothes were rumpled, sleeping and wearing the same stuff for days. He was probably on day three of these jeans and t-shirt. He had a beard too. He hadn’t had the energy to shave as he cleaned his way through the apartment, trying to scrub Kylo out of every line of grout. It didn’t work. All it did was make his hands dry and red. His eyes were like that too. Turns out crying for days makes your eyes bloodshot and your voice hoarse.

The family was having some kind of party, everyone in the backyard eating and drinking. There were streamers and balloons like it was a special occasion and pop music playing from a portable speaker. It all sounded muffled to Hux as he walked into the backyard through the open gate. The talking didn’t cease suddenly, like in a movie. Instead it gradually tapered off as everyone realized who was there. Hux felt a million eyes on him and resisted the urge to run. His gaze caught Leia’s and, if looks could kill, he’d be six feet under and half eaten by worms. The dirty look made him want to cower but he continued on. 

Kylo was in the middle of the backyard, turning at the sudden quiet to see Hux, in all his pathetic glory, standing there. He was wearing a yellow button down shirt. Hux had never seen him in a shirt that color. He looked beautiful and the words caught in Hux’s throat. Maybe he shouldn't say anything, maybe this was a mistake. Here was Kylo, wearing yellow and practically glowing. Was he doing that because he was free of Hux's bullshit? Maybe, but he'd already come all this way. Even if Kylo kicked him out after this, at least he'd told him what he needed to say.

He was glaring at Hux, everyone was. They were swarming around him, getting closer and then backing away. It was then that Hux remembered that he was slightly drunk. Coming here had been a terrifying thought, so he decided to try a glass of liquid courage. Although with how Kylo’s face was moving in front of his, it might have been a barrel.

“What are you doing here? Get out, you’re not wanted.” Kylo hissed, stepping close to Hux and clenching his fists. He looked furious and upset and Hux wanted the ground to swallow him up. But he came here with a purpose and he was going to fulfill it.

“Can we talk for a moment? I have some things I’d like to say, things I’ve been holding on to. I want to apologize. Please, let me apologize.” Hux said, starting off earnestly looking into Kylo’s face and then ended up speaking more to the ground as Kylo’s face got more and more murderous. 

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. You made yourself very clear and we’re done. You need to leave.” Kylo said quietly, though Hux was sure everyone had heard it. It had felt like cannon fire in his ears. Then Kylo was turning around. He was turning around and walking away from Hux. He couldn’t let that happen, he had to make him understand, he had to know the truth.

His hand shot out and grabbed Kylo’s wrist, keeping him in place. The moment froze in time; Hux looking worn and scared, clutching at Kylo, body twisted halfway away and his heart stopped in apprehension.

“Wait. Just wait. Turn around please. Let me apologize, I want to apologize to you. I want to make up for everything I said and did. I’ll make it up to you. I was wrong and I want to be with you. Can you turn around?” He asked Kylo’s back, the other man still silent and still. Then he yanked his wrist from Hux’s grip. Hux lurched forward in fear. 

“Please, can we work this out? I’m begging you, I want to fix this. Just wait and turn around.” Hux pleaded, wondering if he should go down on his knees. He’d do it, if Kylo wanted him to. Instead, Kylo grabbed his arm and pulled him into the house and further into a bathroom. He shoved Hux towards the sink and locked the door behind them, fuming. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he seemed to take up the entirety of space in the bathroom and Hux felt like the most disgusting of insects.

“Kylo please, I want to-”

“Just shut up! You’re such an asshole! Coming here on Rey’s graduation and looking like a cracked out homeless man.” Kylo spat. Oh yeah, that’s what the streamers were for. Now Hux remembered. Rey was graduating from college today. It was one more thing to be guilty about. One more thing he ruined.

“I don’t know why I’m even talking to you! You’re the bad guy here! You’re the one who broke my heart,” Kylo continued after a breath, “You’ve done a lot of things you can’t undo. The things you said, the way you treated me… and I let you! Because I cared about you and I thought you cared about me. You said I was crazy and ridiculous and overly sentimental. And now you’re here asking to apologize and get back together? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you enjoy messing with me and making me feel like shit?” Kylo practically growled, his jaw tense in an effort to stop himself from crying.

He wasn’t wrong. Hux was the bad guy, he was an asshole. He had said unforgivable things and treated Kylo terribly. He deserved every bad word the guy had to say to him. He deserved Kylo spitting in his face and kicking him out. Hux would gladly let him do that, but he had to tell the truth. 

“I was lying Kylo. It was all lies. I was scared, so scared. I’m still scared to be honest. I was feeling all these things for you and I didn’t know how to deal with them. I’m emotionally stunted, I know that! You were so kind to me and you never seemed to ask for more than I could give and you understood me and let me have my space when I needed it. You were perfect and I was drowning. I didn’t know how to deal with someone caring about me that way. Someone loving me. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make you feel the same way so I started pushing you away and being inconsiderate and rude. I yelled and insulted you because then you’d stop loving me and my feelings would stop and I wouldn’t break apart into a million pieces. You were opening me up, don’t you get it? Because of you I had to deal with all the fucked up parts of me I hid away. And I knew, once you saw those parts of me, you’d leave. So I figured I’d push you away first. It worked too well. I’m sorry.”

Again silence greeted him. Hux wiped at his face, only to pull away in surprise as it came back wet. He was crying. He wondered when he had started. His buzz was wearing off and the florescent lights of the bathroom were starting to hurt his eyes. Kylo answered in an exhausted sigh and turned to leave the bathroom. 

“Kylo, wait. I don’t want to lose you! I’m begging you, please, turn around. We can work this out, I know we can. I’ll make up for everything, I will. I’m sorry. I know I can’t change what I did or I said, but I want to be with you. Can we work this out? Please?”

Hux knew he was begging, he knew he sounded like a child, crying out in fear. But he couldn’t let Kylo leave him again. He knew he couldn’t survive without him, this month was a perfect example of it.

“Why should I? How do I know this isn’t going to happen again? Are you going to freak out the next time I do something nice for you and tell me you hate me? Because it really fucking hurt Hux, like I really cared about you. I lov- I wanted to be with you and I accepted you because I thought you understood me but you said it was a lie! _Oh Kylo, it was just sex, you’re so stupid, how could you think I cared about you._ You said that! Why would you say that to someone? What? You couldn’t just be a decent human being and break up with me like a normal person? I’m sorry I was so disgusting to you. Or I guess, sorry I stopped being useful to you.” Kylo said over his shoulder, turning back to Hux at one point and backing him into the sink with his anger and his despair. 

Perhaps it was the wrong time to notice, but Kylo looked beautiful when he was angry. His face was flushed and his eyes sparkled in the light. Hux really was a fool for letting him go and hurting him. But any pleasant thoughts about Kylo’s appearance vanished as Hux’s own words were volleyed back to him. They sliced straight through his chest and left him wounded and bleeding where he stood. He winced and cursed himself for what was probably the millionth time.

“I said some despicable things, didn’t I? I’m sorry Kylo, I truly am. I was lying. It was all to protect myself. It was a stupid way to do it, but that’s what I was trying to do. I didn’t want to hurt you like this, not really.”

Kylo scoffed and rubbed at his eyes like he was tired. When he pulled his hands away, they were red and watery. It gave Hux some hope, small and weak as it was.

“So if all of that was lies, what’s the truth? What feelings were you so afraid to deal with? Why am I waiting here? What’s the truth?”

“The truth? The truth is that I… well, I…” Hux was floundering. He had practiced saying it in the mirror a hundred times. Preparing for this moment, intending to shout out the words and sweep Kylo off his feet. Well, maybe not sweep, the man was larger than him. He was going to do it! But looking at Kylo in this tiny bathroom, feeling his anger and hatred, made the words in his throat shrivel up. Kylo was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. If he was going to do this, he might as well go all out.

“I love you. That’s the truth. I love you Kylo. One day I looked at you and I was in love. I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never loved someone before. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how to love someone. Love is a weakness. Love is for foolish people with nothing better to do. Knowing that I was suddenly like them, like the people he told me to mock and despise was bad enough. But the worst part? I knew what would happen if I told you. I knew you’d be happy and you’d kiss me and you say you loved me back and everything would change. I would never be able to go back to who I was. I’d be different and then one day, you’d leave me. You’d leave me and I’d be different. If I didn’t love you and you left I could survive. I’d buck up and move on and bury your memories and I’d be fine. But if I let myself feel all those things and then you left, I’d… I’d be lost. I’d be nothing. It was agony, waiting for the moment you saw me and turned away in horror. I couldn’t deal with the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it backfired. This whole month I’ve been like a zombie. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I barely get out of bed. I don’t know what to do without you. You changed me and I don’t know how to go back to the way I was. I’m so scared Kylo, don’t you understand?”

Kylo backed away again, his back hitting the door. Hux sagged against the counter, tears dripping down his face. The music from outside floated around them, the words faint and indiscernible. A beat, and then Kylo walked to Hux and rested his hand on top of his where it clutched at the edge of the sink. Hux didn’t dare think it meant anything. He didn’t deserve this, but maybe...

“Then why are you here, begging for me to come back? Saying you want me, my love, and how you want to work everything out? I don’t understand.” Kylo asked, his voice low and confused. Hux flipped his hand palm side up and laced their fingers together. It felt better than magnificent. 

“Because I was miserable for a month. Because I was afraid of you seeing all the pathetic, vile, and awful things about me, only to show them all to you when I hurt you. I showed you my bitterness and my anger. You left and I broke. Eventually my conscience caught up to me and I knew I had to apologize. But then I realized that if you accepted my apology then you might accept me. That I had a chance to be okay. That we had a chance at something great. I know what I did was wrong and you have every right to be upset and never forgive me. But I love you Kylo, and I think it’s fairly obvious I’m a complete mess without you. But if you can take me for what I am, then maybe there’s some hope for me after all.”

“I wish you would’ve just told me all this. I would’ve understood. You think this stuff comes easy for me? We talked about my parents, we talked about my past. You know I have my own issues. I showed you everything and I was being patient because I knew you were different. Also, incredibly similar. We’re so alike Hux, we’re so bad for each other. This fight isn’t going to be the last of them.” Kylo said, giving Hux a rueful smile. It was like sunshine after years of rain. If he could take a snapshot and keep it behind glass forever he would. If that was the only smile Kylo ever gave him again, he’d cherish it.

“No, but hopefully it will be the worst. I don’t want to fight. I want to apologize and go home and lay on the couch and watch Planet Earth and make it up to you. I want to show you how much you mean to me. I want you to know I love you and that I’ll never do anything to hurt you like this again.” Hux said, taking a risk and stepping into Kylo’s space. He folded himself against Kylo’s chest and rested his head in the crook of Kylo’s neck and moved an arm around his back, settling a hand on his waist. Kylo allowed it and squeezed the hand that was clutching at his tighter. Hux felt his heart start to beat again. The bathroom lights weren’t hurting as much.

“My mother hates you, I don’t know if I’ll convince her otherwise.” Kylo added, his chest rumbling against Hux’s. He shrugged, it’s not like the woman liked him much to begin with. Most people didn’t. But Kylo did, and that was enough.

There was a lot he would have to make up for. There was a lot he would have to change. He’d have to be open, as frightening as that was. He’d have to let Kylo see him and judge him and trust that love was enough to keep him there. Hux would have to be kinder, be more considerate. He said he loved Kylo and now he would have to prove it. 

“I love you.” He whispered into Kylo’s neck. He was squeezed tighter and yet, it felt like he could finally breathe.

“I love you too.” Kylo smiled, a real smile. Hux committed it to memory and Kylo kissed him. A bird chirped from outside and a plane flew overhead. Hux was in love and he was loved. He was done waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> Aww, now isn't that sweet!
> 
> Feel free to visit me on my [tumblr](http://aweirdlookingtree.tumblr.com/)! We can geek out about Star Wars together!


End file.
